How do we survive constant change?

How do we survive constant change? It seems that the environment in which we live in is filled with constant crisis and uncertainty. You cannot turn on the news without being bombarded with negativity. Yes, I realize that the news often tends to focus on the negative rather than the positive happenings.  However, it seems to me that the news is supercharged with horrible new realities each day.  From pandemic death tolls and rising unemployment numbers to news of constant violence.

So, what are the emotional and psychological effects that I am seeing in my practice?. I am seeing more anxiety than I can ever remember. It is especially true of my individual clients who are over 40.  As I was driving home the other evening, my son and I witnessed the aftermath of a 59 year old man having taken his own life by jumping in front of a Metra train.  Unfortunately, this behavior has become an all to frequent occurrence.  So, what gives?

For a person to have a general sense of well being there needs to be a certain level of predictability.  Middle age individuals tend to be less likely to want to take risks.  Rather, people tend to become creatures of habit. We tend to engage in the same rituals day after day.  We fold our towels the same way, buy similar groceries from the store, call the same friends, practice the same religious belief and even have sex in the same position.

While this may strike some as boring to many others, it symbolizes comfort.   I believe that what I am seeing today is a severe erosion of esteem, confidence and comfort for many individuals in their middle years. Middle aged individuals are questioning whether they still add value to society.  I think it stems from so many middle aged individuals having lost their jobs.  To this individual, their jobs were not just careers but came to represent identity.  Just think about how you describe yourself at a dinner party?  Do you at some point talk about what you do for a living?

As always I like to point out the possible solutions.  I believe it is important in times like these to focus on what we have accomplished rather than what we are missing.  No one can take that away.  During stressful and unpredictable times in our life we need to meet our needs more diligently.  For example,  relying on our friends and family to highlight our sense of worth.  People forget to go to others for support – it really does make a difference.  Additionally, lean on whatever faith you have had in your past.  It is amazing how much this can lead to solace.  Lastly, don’t forget to exercise and eat healthy.  Exercise can release those endorphins and eating healthy keeps the stress from damaging our immune systems.  And, if these tactics don’t work there is always therapy.  Even a short stint in your psychologist’s office can help you right the ship.

Don’t forget that help is just a phone call away.  Call Dr. Goschi now at (312) 595-1787 or email me at barbara@drgoschi.com

Women Suffer More than Men from High Anxiety

Today I heard a new poll that stated women were more worried about their futures than were their male counterparts.  While this was disturbing to hear it didn’t surprise me at all.  It is true that women are worriers.  How many of us have had sleepless nights worrying about our children, our aging parents, our jobs, our husband, our boyfriends and the list can seem endless.

Women are tremendously prone to worry because we tend to be caretakers of everyone in our lives.  Sometimes, or might I say many times, we worry about everyone else to the detriment of ourselves.  Worry, better known as anxiety, can reek havoc on our physical and mental health.  Anxiety is one of those strange emotions that can help us do well on tests.  However, if we experience too much then it interferes with performance.  So, anxiety can get moving or can cripple our ability to function.  It’s a fine line and a hard one to control.

However, I would encourage all the women in my life to at least try.  There are a few simple steps that can really help manage anxiety.  If it’s anxiety that’s caused by procrastination then I would encourage an individual to tackle the task one piece at a time.  If  the anxiety/worry is due to something we cannot control, especially during times we’re in today, then I would encourage some different approaches.

In an earlier post, I spoke of how we cannot be anxious if our bodies are relaxed.  Therefore, I would encourage you to engage in those activities which maximize relaxation.  For example, meditation/yoga are wonderful forms of deep relaxation.   Any form of workout can also lead to the alleviation of stress and the release of endorphins.  Lastly, I would encourage you to put the concerns out of your mind especially if your thoughts are destructive.

If the anxiety isn’t helping you move forward, then actively work at alleviating your anxiety.  Therapy can be extremely helpful if you’ve been officially diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder.

Take charge of your life today and call Dr. Goschi because help is just a phone call away @ (312)595-1787.

What the heck‘s a Sexologist?

Well, I’m not exactly sure.  I discovered this word while using google analytics.  People looking for sex therapy search for a “sexologist.”  According to Wikipedia, “Sexology is the study of human sexuality, including human sexual interests, behaviors and functions.   Topics of study include sexual development, sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual relationships, sexual activities, paraphilias, and atypical sexual interests.”  Many of these topics comprise what I treat in my practice. However, people searching under this term may be looking for how they might enjoy better sexual lives rather than the most recent research on human sexuality.

I do believe that in couples counseling talking about your marital sexual interactions should be addressed.  Very often, clients who have previously worked on their marriages have neglected to work on their sexual relationship.   If your marital communication is poor it follows that your sexual life may also suffer.

In general, we view our sexual relationship as separate from other aspects of our marriage.  However, they are intrinsically tied to each other. If, for example, we are always fighting with each other this most likely has a profound impact on the frequency of your sexual expression.  Some couples have great makeup sex while others simply stop having sex when there is too much conflict. Maintaining a healthy sexual life enhances the strength of any marriage.

What does a healthy sexual life look like?  Each partner defines what they believe a healthy sex life would include.  For example, feeling gratified, expressing your needs and desires, talking about what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy.  These topics define what couples say they require to feel sexually complete. Also, being honest with your partner if there’s something that they do sexually that bothers you tell them, instead,  share with them how they can sexually please you.

If you are looking for a “Sexologist” or more importantly someone who can help you with your sexual relationship don’t hesitate to call Dr. Barbara Goschi.  She’s here to help. You can reach her by phone at (312) 595-1787 or email her at barbara@drgoschi.com.