Confronting Male Childhood Abuse: The Untold Stories

The documentary "Leaving Neverland" sheds light on the harrowing experiences of two men who, now in their thirties, bravely recount their childhood abuse at the hands of Michael Jackson. What stands out as particularly tragic is their delayed acknowledgment of the abuse they endured, only feeling safe to speak out after Jackson's death.

This delay in recognition and disclosure is unfortunately common among male victims of sexual abuse. Many young men carry a misguided sense of blame, often internalizing thoughts like, "I should have fought back." Even as adults, they struggle with the belief that they should have been able to stop the abuse, reinforcing the harmful stereotype that boys and men must always be strong and in control. It often takes years for these victims to realize they were powerless children targeted by a manipulative predator.

In some cases, the situation is further complicated by feelings of shame stemming from the mixed emotions associated with the abuse. Some boys may have experienced physical pleasure, which creates a barrier to disclosure, fearing they would be blamed or punished. Allegedly, Michael Jackson exacerbated this fear by manipulating his victims into believing they would face severe consequences, including incarceration, if they revealed the abuse.

Despite the significant strides made by the #MeToo movement, male voices remain conspicuously absent. While statistics suggest that one in four girls and one in ten boys are abused, it is likely that the numbers for boys are underreported. Sexual predators rely on the societal expectation that "boys don’t tell."

In my practice, I have encountered numerous men who were abused as children. Often, it is their spouses who encourage them to seek help, particularly when the abuse has impacted their sexual health and relationships. Childhood sexual abuse can profoundly affect an individual's sexuality and libido, leading to issues such as diminished sexual desire or, conversely, hypersexual behavior.

If you or your partner is grappling with the aftermath of abuse, know that help is available. Dr. Barbara Goschi specializes in addressing these complex issues with compassion and expertise. Reach out via email at barbara@drgoschi.com or call (312) 595-1787 to begin your journey towards healing today.

What the heck‘s a Sexologist?

Well, I’m not exactly sure.  I discovered this word while using google analytics.  People looking for sex therapy search for a “sexologist.”  According to Wikipedia, “Sexology is the study of human sexuality, including human sexual interests, behaviors and functions.   Topics of study include sexual development, sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual relationships, sexual activities, paraphilias, and atypical sexual interests.”  Many of these topics comprise what I treat in my practice. However, people searching under this term may be looking for how they might enjoy better sexual lives rather than the most recent research on human sexuality.

I do believe that in couples counseling talking about your marital sexual interactions should be addressed.  Very often, clients who have previously worked on their marriages have neglected to work on their sexual relationship.   If your marital communication is poor it follows that your sexual life may also suffer.

In general, we view our sexual relationship as separate from other aspects of our marriage.  However, they are intrinsically tied to each other. If, for example, we are always fighting with each other this most likely has a profound impact on the frequency of your sexual expression.  Some couples have great makeup sex while others simply stop having sex when there is too much conflict. Maintaining a healthy sexual life enhances the strength of any marriage.

What does a healthy sexual life look like?  Each partner defines what they believe a healthy sex life would include.  For example, feeling gratified, expressing your needs and desires, talking about what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy.  These topics define what couples say they require to feel sexually complete. Also, being honest with your partner if there’s something that they do sexually that bothers you tell them, instead,  share with them how they can sexually please you.

If you are looking for a “Sexologist” or more importantly someone who can help you with your sexual relationship don’t hesitate to call Dr. Barbara Goschi.  She’s here to help. You can reach her by phone at (312) 595-1787 or email her at barbara@drgoschi.com.