Texting Romances

Our phones and social media dictate the way in which we date. It seems that dating has changed drastically over the past 15 years. No longer do we meet someone organically. We used to meet people at work or through friends. Now we do everything on line. Hoping that we will meet that perfect someone. It seems that we’re nervous to date someone who we see on a daily basis for fear of the complications that come with a work relationship. Or, so many people work remotely the chances of meeting others is severely diminished. Rather, we turn to the dating apps.

One would make the assumption, albeit incorrectly, that given the shear volume of individuals on line our chances of meeting that special someone increases. This is not necessarily so. Many individuals spend hours swiping past photos of people who if met organically might fit the bill. Instead, it’s very easy to find flaws with almost everyone. Or, you have found the perfect someone only to be out ghosted after your first contact.

It’s also extremely difficult to sense what someone might be like in person after a few text messages. Many individuals on these sites are there because they are shy or don’t have another way to meet someone. So, to these persons the task of sounding clever via a text message is impossible. They give up rather than trying harder. The person who receives the text rarely forgives an awkward exchange. The result instead is to get “xed” off the list.

Who would ever want to try online dating given all of these obstacles. Instead, many have resorted to just casual “hook ups” to help with the loneliness. These shallow connections result in further feelings of futility. There are some sites that make you spend some cash and a little more time answering questions which narrow the field, Not everyone sees the value in taking the time to say what they really want in a relationship.

Perhaps millennials (or any age individual) don’t know what they want in a relationship. Not understanding clearly what you need and how to communicate those needs makes it almost impossible to find that perfect match. Individual therapy can help such persons learn what they are looking for from a relationship. If you’ve been in a destructive relationship therapy can help you identify the warning signs before moving too far along in the new relationship.

But, perhaps we never quite get to this point. Instead individual counseling would focus on why you cannot seem to connect with others at all. Therapy can help you get past the road blocks that you set up for yourself. Bottom line - you deserve happiness in your life through a fulfilling intimate relationship and individual counseling can help get you there.

If you are interested in changing the patterns that keep you isolated, and lonely don’t hesitate to call. One of our very skilled therapists is here to help you work through these issues and learn new solcial skills. Call us , email or text us today! (312)955-0319, info@greaterchicagocounselingcenter.com or (847)814-1257.

Millennials Managing their Parents

This topic typically belongs to an older generation than late 20 or early 30 year old’s. The “Millennials” issues should lean toward professional development, getting married, household formation or having children rather than needing to care give their parents. However, more and more of this generation prematurely tend to their parents many needs from addiction to financial chaos.

Many individuals perceive Millennials as a spoiled generation. “They’ve been handed everything they need and still feel entitled to ask for more.” Perhaps this applies to some of them. But, honestly it doesn’t seem to fit with many millennials I know in my private life or those that I treat in my office. Rather, as a group they seem quite anxious and worried about whether they match up to those around them.

Contrary to popular belief many Millennials seem very hard working. Yes, they expect work/life balance but we’ve been harping on that concept for such a long time I don’t know why they wouldn’t want that in their life. Millennials have lived through a recession and saw many a parent lose their job. So, wanting a solid profession is commendable.

What Millennials haven’t bargained for is their parents retiring early without having the funds to back up their plan. The “Great Generation” was very nervous about money because they lived through the Depression. Many of them still weren’t prepared enough for their retirement but many more were than the 6o plus group. Baby Boomers didn’t expect their savings to crash or to be displaced from their careers at such early ages.

So, the Millennials find themselves more akin to the sandwich generation who also make big decisions about their parents. Millennial’s worry whether they can financially support themselves while simultaneously helping their 60/70 year old parents. It seems like the parents are abusing the good nature and hard work of their children disregarding the anxiety and extreme worry that it is causing them.

The drug abuse is another issue. These are the children of the 60’s all grown up and justifying their return to substance abuse because they’re retired. How does this affect Millennials? Well, severe health problems can be associated with drug abuse. Millennials deal with absent grandparents whom cannot be trusted with newborns or young children due to the cavalier attitudes toward their own responsibility. All of this is a recipe for disaster as Millennials face the normal stressors and burdens of family and career formation.

I suppose this message should be geared more toward those of my own generation. “Grow up!” Your children still require your guidance, wisdom and support. Stop bailing on the responsibilities of your own life and take charge so your children don’t have to. You still have a lot of life to live. Sobriety is not a dirty work rather it is commendable and strong message to those around you!!

Do not struggle through these highly conflictual life events alone. Individual counseling at Greater Chicago Counseling Center can help. Reach out to one of our therapists today to find relief and an empathic ear. Call or email us directly to set up an appointment today!